I get big bursts of lonely here. It'll be when I'm in my class and I'm not sitting next to anyone I know. Or when I'm in my room alone and I hear people outside leaving to go to lunch or to a party or to anywhere. Or when I'm hanging out with a group and they all go somewhere else without me. Its so nice having Katrina here because I have someone who I love and who loves me already. But whenever I hang out with her I feel like I'm selling out my social life. I need new friends. I can't only hang out with people I already know. But whenever I'm with new people I've met, I feel like an outcast. A tagalong. I feel like I haven't found my group yet. I had a group at home. People I felt I could trust. People I identified with. I have some people I'd like to be that way with here, but they seem uninterested in me.
Then there are spouts of massive anxiety. About class. About working and having class. About fraternities and not being a part of them. About parties and not being able to go to them because I'm not in a fraternity. About not making friends. About not being fit enough to meet girls. About working on people's movies and wanting to get started. About feeling behind from everyone else. I get these attacks of fear that I'm not being productive enough. That I'm not on the right track. Or that everyone is really far ahead of me. Or about money, and not having enough. Or any. About the rest of my life and what a massive undertaking it is to be doing something with as much uncertainty as I am.
The risk I'm taking is gargantuan, unfathomable really. Its possible that I could never get a job doing what I really want to do. And the liberty of the rest of my life is at stake. I find myself doubting my abilities and intelligence and work ethic. I find myself jarred by the position I'm finding myself in, and the hole I'm going to eventually have to dig out of. Its easier to look down and just keep digging than to look up and see how deep I am into the ground. I actually flinch sometimes, thinking about it. I have a physical aversion to the thoughts. My neck spasms or my eye flicks itself halfway closed in defiance. Sometimes I don't check my e-mail because I'm afraid there will be responsibility and guilt lurking in my inbox.
I think about my friends. And how most of them are still in Vancouver, enjoying their old lives. How most of them will end up less than 10 miles from each other and less than three hours from home, should there be a breakdown. I could be on a deserted island for where I am. I miss some of them deeply. I get pangs of sadness that they will all be somewhere else together. Without me. Things are not exactly what I expected them to be. And its not that they're necessarily worse. But it doesn't stop me from being disappointed. I get afraid that I'm wasting my time and money and that I should just admit my limits and let go.
But then I think for a second and realize that isn't a real option. And I try to keep calm. And I try to smile. And I try to visualize. I'm scared. But I'm not leaving.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Day Eight - 08/27/09
I got to bed really late last night so this morning, when I had to wake up at 8 o'clock, I was quite unhappy. I went off to IML 140 which stands for Institute for Media Literacy. It was a really interesting class, only 9-10 people if that and we pretty much are determining our own syllabus. The teacher didn't make a syllabus because she wanted us to determine it for ourselves depending on what we wanted to study. This is both cool and a little shady. I don't know how cool this class will be, but we established that we want to do some production so at least I'll be able to shoot something this semester.
Off to philosophy where my professor babbled on about the Mesopotamians for an hour. Both of my philosophy courses are starting with science rather than philosophy because I guess ancient science was philosophy. I'm really hoping that we'll get into more discussion about topics later rather than history.
Had lunch with Katrina. It is so nice having her here. I was opposed to the thought of having someone from my high school come with me to college at first. But now I'm so glad she came. Any time either of us are feeling lonely (which happens about three times a day for each of us) we text each other and ask if we want to have lunch or hang out. She's such a great girl and her and I are very similar but still get along really well. Its nice having someone who knows me really well because no one else here does.
After lunch I headed over to Casper's class! Casper has a reputation on campus as one of the most eccentric and interesting professors to learn from. Once he learns your name, he never forgets it, or the first thing you said in his class. I was told to not even raise my hand unless I have complete certainty in the answer I was about to give.
He was given a full two minute introduction and then everyone applauded as he came down the steps to the front of the auditorium. He is probably 70 years old (at least the parts of him that aren't COMPLETELY plastic) but looks like he could be 45. He talks with a lion's roar of a voice and then switches, quite abruptly, to a light whisper. Its a performance. He has cues for video clips to be shown and all his TA's are pretty much his bitches. He has a powerful presence. He asked a question "Has anyone here heard of the play 'Our Town?'" A boy raised his had in the back of the class and Casper ran over to him. He had him stand up and asked him what the play was about. "um...well...there's a girl..." "EMILY...yes go on..." Casper interrupts. "And it's like..." "A woman is either pregnant or she's not! Nothing is like anything it IS something. What IS Our Town about?" "Well..." "OUT LOUD" "Its about this girl who dies and it shows..." "I'm not asking what it shows. I'm asking what its about. Lets go back to basics. What happens in the play!?" This goes on for a full four minutes. The poor kid, who either had no idea what he was talking about or was just so intimidated by the situation that his mind turned to mush, was eventually told that he and Casper were "obviously not talking about the same play." He was asked to sit down and everyone in the room became quite solemn and quiet. I've never been fully immobilized by a teacher's lectures and I've never been fully intimidated by anyone like I was today. It is going to be an interesting semester.
I was so tired after class (after a two hour lecture we had to watch "Singin' in the Rain" which was actually quite good surprisingly) that I went home (I love/hate that I'm starting to call my stale little half of a dorm room home) and slept for a good five hours. There were some frat events tonight for rush week that were tonight that I was really planning on going to but I guess my body thought sleep was more important. I woke up as Brett was going to sleep. I hope at some point he opens up and hangs with me, or at least hangs with someone. He goes to bed at midnight every night while everything is still going on. I hope that changes.
Off to philosophy where my professor babbled on about the Mesopotamians for an hour. Both of my philosophy courses are starting with science rather than philosophy because I guess ancient science was philosophy. I'm really hoping that we'll get into more discussion about topics later rather than history.
Had lunch with Katrina. It is so nice having her here. I was opposed to the thought of having someone from my high school come with me to college at first. But now I'm so glad she came. Any time either of us are feeling lonely (which happens about three times a day for each of us) we text each other and ask if we want to have lunch or hang out. She's such a great girl and her and I are very similar but still get along really well. Its nice having someone who knows me really well because no one else here does.
After lunch I headed over to Casper's class! Casper has a reputation on campus as one of the most eccentric and interesting professors to learn from. Once he learns your name, he never forgets it, or the first thing you said in his class. I was told to not even raise my hand unless I have complete certainty in the answer I was about to give.
He was given a full two minute introduction and then everyone applauded as he came down the steps to the front of the auditorium. He is probably 70 years old (at least the parts of him that aren't COMPLETELY plastic) but looks like he could be 45. He talks with a lion's roar of a voice and then switches, quite abruptly, to a light whisper. Its a performance. He has cues for video clips to be shown and all his TA's are pretty much his bitches. He has a powerful presence. He asked a question "Has anyone here heard of the play 'Our Town?'" A boy raised his had in the back of the class and Casper ran over to him. He had him stand up and asked him what the play was about. "um...well...there's a girl..." "EMILY...yes go on..." Casper interrupts. "And it's like..." "A woman is either pregnant or she's not! Nothing is like anything it IS something. What IS Our Town about?" "Well..." "OUT LOUD" "Its about this girl who dies and it shows..." "I'm not asking what it shows. I'm asking what its about. Lets go back to basics. What happens in the play!?" This goes on for a full four minutes. The poor kid, who either had no idea what he was talking about or was just so intimidated by the situation that his mind turned to mush, was eventually told that he and Casper were "obviously not talking about the same play." He was asked to sit down and everyone in the room became quite solemn and quiet. I've never been fully immobilized by a teacher's lectures and I've never been fully intimidated by anyone like I was today. It is going to be an interesting semester.
I was so tired after class (after a two hour lecture we had to watch "Singin' in the Rain" which was actually quite good surprisingly) that I went home (I love/hate that I'm starting to call my stale little half of a dorm room home) and slept for a good five hours. There were some frat events tonight for rush week that were tonight that I was really planning on going to but I guess my body thought sleep was more important. I woke up as Brett was going to sleep. I hope at some point he opens up and hangs with me, or at least hangs with someone. He goes to bed at midnight every night while everything is still going on. I hope that changes.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Day Seven - 08/25/09
Well, its been exactly a week since my mother left me alone to fend for myself. I can't believe I'm already a week into my education here. Pretty soon I'll be graduating, and real life will commence. But until then, I'm planning to squeeze every last pasty bit of experience out of this place.
The morning started with an eleven o'clock attendance of my least favorite course...Intro to Buddhist Literature. I'm trying to switch out of this course but if you don't attend the first day of class they sometimes give away your spot, which would be even worse than having to actually take the course. I looked up my professor, Dr. Meeks, on RateMyProfessor.com and every review said that it was a boring class and that she was an ok teacher but that she was super hot and that made the class worth sitting through. Through the experience of sitting through one course, I agree with all of those statements.
Next I went down a floor to the class I'm trying to switch into, Mind & Self:Modern Conceptions. Much more interesting course in my opinion. We got started right off the bat talking about Descartes (which apparently NOT pronounced dez-cart-ez) and his perceptions of mind and body being absolutely separate entities. His proof and evidence for this argument was that he could understand his own mind to be separate from his body and therefore it could exist separate from his body. I raised my hand and, because I'm an idiot, said with absolute certainty that the mind dies with the body. Of course this can't be proven so the entire class of non-ignorant baffoons laughed at me. I'm over it though.
The dilemma with switching classes is that my schedule only has one relatively good spot for the coordinating discussion course that goes with the class. This discussion course is full and I need to try and squeeze and wiggle my way in there using my charm and wicked good looks. I talked to Brian, the one teaching the course, and he said he would get back to me. Not looking good.
Off then to Spanish. This was expected to be my least favorite class, being that it was my worst class in high school all four years. However, my professor is the coolest teacher I've met. She is exactly like my old "Professora" except even more fun. She's short and cute and does karate.
I came back to my dorm room and watched TV for an hour or two. I'm so happy Brett bought it. Its so nice having it here. Anyway, Casper tomorrow. That'll be interesting. Talk to you then.
The morning started with an eleven o'clock attendance of my least favorite course...Intro to Buddhist Literature. I'm trying to switch out of this course but if you don't attend the first day of class they sometimes give away your spot, which would be even worse than having to actually take the course. I looked up my professor, Dr. Meeks, on RateMyProfessor.com and every review said that it was a boring class and that she was an ok teacher but that she was super hot and that made the class worth sitting through. Through the experience of sitting through one course, I agree with all of those statements.
Next I went down a floor to the class I'm trying to switch into, Mind & Self:Modern Conceptions. Much more interesting course in my opinion. We got started right off the bat talking about Descartes (which apparently NOT pronounced dez-cart-ez) and his perceptions of mind and body being absolutely separate entities. His proof and evidence for this argument was that he could understand his own mind to be separate from his body and therefore it could exist separate from his body. I raised my hand and, because I'm an idiot, said with absolute certainty that the mind dies with the body. Of course this can't be proven so the entire class of non-ignorant baffoons laughed at me. I'm over it though.
The dilemma with switching classes is that my schedule only has one relatively good spot for the coordinating discussion course that goes with the class. This discussion course is full and I need to try and squeeze and wiggle my way in there using my charm and wicked good looks. I talked to Brian, the one teaching the course, and he said he would get back to me. Not looking good.
Off then to Spanish. This was expected to be my least favorite class, being that it was my worst class in high school all four years. However, my professor is the coolest teacher I've met. She is exactly like my old "Professora" except even more fun. She's short and cute and does karate.
I came back to my dorm room and watched TV for an hour or two. I'm so happy Brett bought it. Its so nice having it here. Anyway, Casper tomorrow. That'll be interesting. Talk to you then.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Day Six - 08/24/09
First day of classes! I was going to try and transfer into a philosophy course today, so they said just go to the first day of classes and you should be good to go. The class started at 11. I woke up this morning and looked over at the microwave to see that the time was 10:58. Nice. I just started laughing out loud. After doing some "hand apart, hands together" exercises I got up, took a shower, and headed over to the classroom. I got there and the room was completely empty. Turns out class was canceled. Oh what a wonderful universe.
Went to my philosophy course, my first actual college class. It was so exciting and fun. I love philosophy and thought I had interesting things to say. Turns out I'm an ignorant douche. I'm so excited to expand my mind and thinking with the readings in this course and the discussions three times a week. Afterwards I went off to my discussion section for intro to cinema, which consisted of a TA reading the syllabus for the entire class period. Now it was 1:00 and I was done for the day. Class is a much more fun thing when only taken for two hours in the middle of the day. After class I went to the book store to check out some swag. Turns out, when you're poor, you don't need swag. Around six some friends from my floor met up with my gay RA (hey that rhymes) to talk to him about frat houses. He gave us the low down about frat life, what its like, and what frats have what reputation. He wasn't supposed to do this, but he's a tight dude and wanted us to know the facts. In general he has been breaking the rules because our best interests are at his heart. Its really great.
Finally we walked to the Row to see the houses. Had some BBQ burgers (with cajun and italian seasoning, something my dad should try on his next meat filled outing) and one frat even had a car bashing (apparently its common practice to find an old beat up car, park it on your lawn, and smash it to bits with an axe and/or sledge hammer. Obviously this was an activity for me).
Went to see Inglourious Basterds with about 25 other SCA (School of Cinematic Arts) kids. It was fun finally being with a crowd that I could identify with, and who understood and appreciated film the way I do. We stayed till the end of the credits. I think, as a film school student, this will become common practice for me for the rest of my life. We were told that there are a few things that cinema students always do and one is they stay and appreciate the hard work that was done by those names on the screen. Because one day, those names will be ours, and we would hope people would stay and appreciate our hard work.
Went back to campus with the rest of the SCA students and we all ordered four pizzas and two packages of bread sticks for on-campus delivery. We all sat around and ate on top of a giant piñata used for the days festivities. I love these people. I'm so excited to work with them and learn from them. More classes tomorrow. So far, this Monday beats every other high school Monday's ass. Officially a college student. Wish me luck.
Went to my philosophy course, my first actual college class. It was so exciting and fun. I love philosophy and thought I had interesting things to say. Turns out I'm an ignorant douche. I'm so excited to expand my mind and thinking with the readings in this course and the discussions three times a week. Afterwards I went off to my discussion section for intro to cinema, which consisted of a TA reading the syllabus for the entire class period. Now it was 1:00 and I was done for the day. Class is a much more fun thing when only taken for two hours in the middle of the day. After class I went to the book store to check out some swag. Turns out, when you're poor, you don't need swag. Around six some friends from my floor met up with my gay RA (hey that rhymes) to talk to him about frat houses. He gave us the low down about frat life, what its like, and what frats have what reputation. He wasn't supposed to do this, but he's a tight dude and wanted us to know the facts. In general he has been breaking the rules because our best interests are at his heart. Its really great.
Finally we walked to the Row to see the houses. Had some BBQ burgers (with cajun and italian seasoning, something my dad should try on his next meat filled outing) and one frat even had a car bashing (apparently its common practice to find an old beat up car, park it on your lawn, and smash it to bits with an axe and/or sledge hammer. Obviously this was an activity for me).
Went to see Inglourious Basterds with about 25 other SCA (School of Cinematic Arts) kids. It was fun finally being with a crowd that I could identify with, and who understood and appreciated film the way I do. We stayed till the end of the credits. I think, as a film school student, this will become common practice for me for the rest of my life. We were told that there are a few things that cinema students always do and one is they stay and appreciate the hard work that was done by those names on the screen. Because one day, those names will be ours, and we would hope people would stay and appreciate our hard work.
Went back to campus with the rest of the SCA students and we all ordered four pizzas and two packages of bread sticks for on-campus delivery. We all sat around and ate on top of a giant piñata used for the days festivities. I love these people. I'm so excited to work with them and learn from them. More classes tomorrow. So far, this Monday beats every other high school Monday's ass. Officially a college student. Wish me luck.
Day Five - 08/23/09
Ordered my books today. I didn't even get all of them and it was still $260. Its crazy how expensive college is. I mean, even if we weren't paying tuition, it always seems like they are tricking you into buying more and more things. Certain things are extra and other things can only be bought with cash, others only with discretionary funds. Afterwards I went to the fraternity BBQ to meet the frats and try to find one that I felt was right for me. I'm not one of those hardcore sports guys and I generally don't like guys who are so it was hard to find one that I thought fit me really well. I still don't really feel connected to any specific frat yet, but I'm hoping to connect with one more specifically as the week goes on. I will probably just end up pledging in spring tho, if at all. Its quite expensive (something I didn't know at all until yesterday) and if you pledge one frat you can't join any other one for as long as you're at SC. Thats a pretty big commitment to make without knowing the reputations of the different houses.
After the BBQ there was a comedy show with Anjelah Johnson (Bon Qui Qui from MadTV, you know..."SAH-KUR-IDEE!") and she was pretty good. Its crazy how huge these events are. Having 16000 undergrads has its advantages. The events come to you. Really fun. Went to dinner at Chipotle off campus and then to an ice cream social for my building. We went to the top floor to get bowls, the seventh for ice cream, the sixth for chocolate topping, and so on. We all met in the lobby for spoons and socializing but in the SoCal heat by the time we got there we needed straws for our cream soup.
Afterward I went to my friend Katrina's dorm to hang out for a bit. We hung out with her roommate who is a typical California girl but also really nice. She is interested in this guy who has been coming by her room quite often and she wanted to ask him where his room was. I am not kidding about this, we literally discussed with her for ten minutes about how she should ask this question. Should she say "Hey, what room are you in?" should she say "Hey what room are you in?" or "Hey! What room are you in?" or "What room are you in?" or "What room are you innnn?" (I guess its common to add consonants to the ends of words to make them seem more cute and less desperate). We mulled over which version of this phrase would set the right tone without seeming too interested. It was actually really fun and it allowed me to get to know Sarah. I remember thinking throughout the entire conversation how much I wished someone would spend this much energy thinking about how to talk to me. I wished I was cuter or more witty or sexier or something. I feel mediocre in all the different areas of attraction that could get girls to swoon like Sarah was. Maybe all this walking and forgetting to eat will change that. Who knows. Classes start tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.
After the BBQ there was a comedy show with Anjelah Johnson (Bon Qui Qui from MadTV, you know..."SAH-KUR-IDEE!") and she was pretty good. Its crazy how huge these events are. Having 16000 undergrads has its advantages. The events come to you. Really fun. Went to dinner at Chipotle off campus and then to an ice cream social for my building. We went to the top floor to get bowls, the seventh for ice cream, the sixth for chocolate topping, and so on. We all met in the lobby for spoons and socializing but in the SoCal heat by the time we got there we needed straws for our cream soup.
Afterward I went to my friend Katrina's dorm to hang out for a bit. We hung out with her roommate who is a typical California girl but also really nice. She is interested in this guy who has been coming by her room quite often and she wanted to ask him where his room was. I am not kidding about this, we literally discussed with her for ten minutes about how she should ask this question. Should she say "Hey, what room are you in?" should she say "Hey what room are you in?" or "Hey! What room are you in?" or "What room are you in?" or "What room are you innnn?" (I guess its common to add consonants to the ends of words to make them seem more cute and less desperate). We mulled over which version of this phrase would set the right tone without seeming too interested. It was actually really fun and it allowed me to get to know Sarah. I remember thinking throughout the entire conversation how much I wished someone would spend this much energy thinking about how to talk to me. I wished I was cuter or more witty or sexier or something. I feel mediocre in all the different areas of attraction that could get girls to swoon like Sarah was. Maybe all this walking and forgetting to eat will change that. Who knows. Classes start tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Day Four - 08/22/09
Today was the first day that there wasn't anything planned until the evening for welcome week. I think they expected that most kids would be drinking themselves silly on friday and be too tired to do anything until late at night. Went to a job interview in the morning off campus. I walked to the building about three blocks away and i showed my id to the man at the desk. He waved me in and I walked straight over to the elevators. He asked me if I was working there and I said no. He proceeded to become very agitated and to tell me that I needed to sign in and that if I'd never been in a building before that I should tell the security what my business was. He asked me if I knew where I was going. I didn't so I said no. He again proceeded to reprimand me on my lack of understanding and tell me to ask where to go from now on. He was a very muscular (and honestly very scary) black man and I continued to apologize as the doors closed on the elevator and I sighed out some relief. I went to the interview and as soon as I came downstairs he was peaches and cream. He asked me how it went and I said it went ok and he said Thats good! You just gotta stay positive, they'll probably call you on monday. And then he gave me a big smile. I felt like I was in a weird coming of age movie, you know, that scene where there is a guy who is only a douche because its a rite of passage to be treated like crap. As soon as he didn't have to be rude, he was the nicest guy. It was strange.
The school set up a welcome back concert and there were tons of people there. It was a really fun event but a way different crowd from what I'm used to in the northwest. At our concerts we cheer like crazy and appreciate the artist all through the set. We try to see if we can get the artist to be taken aback by how much we love them. I was at a concert where it happened once, that band will be coming back to portland more often because of that one night. But LA kids are fairly lame when it comes to concerts apparently. We barely cheered and when i did, people looked at me like i was an idiot. By the end people were crowd surfing and moshing like crazy. It was really fun. I'm beginning to appreciate the amazing power of USC in this town. We are the biggest and richest school in town. Its like we're the USA of the town. All the events come to us because we're such a big audience and if they won't come to us, we have to funding to pay them to come. We are a force to be reckoned with. Its fun to be a part of that.
The school set up a welcome back concert and there were tons of people there. It was a really fun event but a way different crowd from what I'm used to in the northwest. At our concerts we cheer like crazy and appreciate the artist all through the set. We try to see if we can get the artist to be taken aback by how much we love them. I was at a concert where it happened once, that band will be coming back to portland more often because of that one night. But LA kids are fairly lame when it comes to concerts apparently. We barely cheered and when i did, people looked at me like i was an idiot. By the end people were crowd surfing and moshing like crazy. It was really fun. I'm beginning to appreciate the amazing power of USC in this town. We are the biggest and richest school in town. Its like we're the USA of the town. All the events come to us because we're such a big audience and if they won't come to us, we have to funding to pay them to come. We are a force to be reckoned with. Its fun to be a part of that.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Day Three - 08/21/09
Wake up early to go to the all student SCA meeting. Every freshman and transfer student in the school is in the Norris theatre to receive all the staff from the school as they speak about our time here and how we should spend it. We head off to department meetings, meaning everyone in the room is only Production majors. We go around the room and introduce ourselves and everyone can tell that its a fantastic group. We are all enthusiastic, fun, and talented people. We all get along really well and we all love eachother right off the bat. Its amazing that these are the people I will be making movies with for the rest of my life. All in one room at the same time. Lots of number exchanging and mingling. There is a dance party in the quad next to my dorm and we dance and talk and have fun into the wee hours of the morning. Sleep. Feeling more at home but also surprised at how different everything is than my expectations. Everyone told me it would be different than i thought but i didn't really believe them. Its crazy here. Everything is exciting and fun and BIG!
Day Two - 08/20/09
Wake up at nine to go to my micro-seminar at ten. Micro-Seminar is sort of like a mini two day class about subjects ranging from string theory to alfred hitchcock. I chose one called Group Collaboration, a look into how creativity works and how it functions in a group dynamic. I figured it would be good to know for my major...nope. The professor, while speaking about the most creative people and things in human history, couldn't have been more dull and unenthusiastic. I was supremely disappointed. I thought it was going to be a fun two day course with exciting activities...and I think it could have been with the students that I met in the room. But the professor was a total dud and couldn't get excited about anything. We were bored out of our minds. Left that to go to lunch at EVK (Everybodies Kitchen) and meet some people. As I scoured the room for someone to sit with, I flashed back to all the horrible teen movies I'd seen with this exact scene in it. It usually ends with someone calling the person over to sit with them. Instead, I called a girl I had met the day before to ask where she was sitting. I came over and was discouraged to discover all the kids talking with one other person, me the odd one out. I tried to enter different conversations and couldn't. I began to feel isolated and alone. As if everyone had somone but me. I left to go to the job fair to...find a job. I put in applications at many places and began to get a little freaked about the college experience. I didn't want to work at a job and go to classes! When would I have time for fun? Or friends? Or food? Or filmmaking? I wanted to explore LA, go to the beach, go to parties, meet people, play music, be in a Frat, and go to USC events. I remembered my time working at Fred Meyer and how often I would be working when something fun was happening and I would miss out. I began to imagine horrible visions of everyone having fun, meeting their potential, and networking without me. I texted my old high school friend Katrina and asked her to meet me at the poster sale to talk. She did and we shopped for five minutes before I had to run off to a financial awareness meeting. We didn't talk much, but it was nice to see a familiar face. One that liked me and could be there for me, should I need it. The financial aid meeting freaked me out as well. It made life seem like one big coupon count, saving a penny here or there to get by. It put life as a student in perspective. I am poor and have no income. I do not know how to not live richly because I have always felt entitled to such a lifestyle. Such entitlement must cease. And yet, I still don't want to order off the dollar menu. The day continued with events from USC that had lines spanning half the length of campus and a much better tasting dinner at Parkside with someone I just met. I feel good walking everywhere, and I think I'm eating better than usual...or at least, in smaller portions. I'm hoping to lose 15 pounds this year, rather than gain. I'll keep you updated. Met up with a bunch of SCA kids to go buy tickets for Inglourious Basterds, the new Tarantino flick. We decide against it and instead head over to the pool for a Dive-In Movie. The pool looks crowded so we head over to our beautiful new buildings, with their Lucas and Spielberg wings, and play musical chairs. We have no music so we sing instead, musical numbers from "I'm on a Boat" to "Cell-Block Tango" to "Twinkle twinkle little star" to "I want it that way," just to name a few. We are kicked out of the courtyard for being too loud and head over to party in the lounge in Pardee tower (ha ha). Someone thought it would be a good idea to cram all 22 of us into an elevator...we go up to the second floor and then fall five feet to rest quietly between the two floors. We are crammed into the tiny space and its already quite hot out. We call the operator who calls the fire department. We wait, play an icebreaker, keep calm, and have some fun while we wait to be rescued by the LAFD. We all bond quite nicely over the event and have created a facebook group for those on the elevator to keep in touch. Interesting first full day. Many contrasts, many firsts, many changes.
Day One - 08/19/09
So mom left me at the bottom of USC's Marks Tower with all the things I had bought at Target and that was it. I said goodbye and as soon as she drove away it had officially begun. The dream that had been brewing for years and coalescing since last fall was finally solid, real, and true. It was 9 city blocks of pure, solid brick, reality. I went upstairs to move in the rest of my things and met my roommate Brett's family. Brett is nice enough but not as social as I am. We have different groups of friends and don't talk or hang out that much. This is honestly really disappointing and its neither of our faults. We're fairly different people. He's a Mechanical Engineering major from the Boston area. I'm a Film Production major from Washington state. We're not going to have the same interests. We don't fight but we aren't really friends. I see other people bonding with their roommates and truly envy them. I wish I had a partner to go through this with, but I guess I'm on my own. Went to a friend's suite on Parkside (Southside) and met a bunch of people. Came home around three after talking with Akshay from India and Joseph from New York about USC and our dreams and how amazing this place is. Sneaked into my room with Brett dead asleep. That's the other thing...he is on a way different sleep schedule. He goes to bed way before me and I always feel like I'm a burden. I don't know if I woke him up. Go to bed with the sounds of LAPD sirens lulling me to sleep. Immediately I am asleep.
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