I hear a woman’s beautiful voice coming from around a corner. I follow it up onto a bridge over the river. There, a large stage is floating in the water next to a riverside bar. The woman finishes her wonderful song and welcomes everyone to the Lavka River Stage, first in a language similar to Slovak or Polish, then English. I walk across the Charles Bridge with silhouettes of various saints and martyrs watching me from either side. A large castle overlooks the city to the north, constantly visible from almost any place on the river. The night is brisk and clear, much like a winter night would be in my hometown in the Northwest of the United States. This bridge was finished in the earlier part of the 15th century and it shows the wear of 600 years of city patrons and visitors from all over the world. I understand why they call this place the “City of a Hundred Spires” as I look for miles (or kilometers) in all directions and see the skyline pockmarked with steeples and towers. I suddenly burst out laughing, as I have been doing quite consistently all day. Today is my first day in “The Golden City” or “The Mother of Cities” as they call it around the world. In the native language of Czech it is referred to lovingly as Praha, but in English we call it Prague.
Let’s go back.
A year (and a century) or so ago I came down to Los Angeles for my orientation at USC. They gave us a lot of information that weekend, about grades, curriculum, sports, clubs, and, of course, what our schedule was going to look like for the next four years. They explained how students could not start any production classes until their fourth semester at USC because they didn’t want students to take film courses and then leave the school to go get work without the degree (in this industry it is apparently much more valuable to have experience than an actual degree). In order to milk every student for their worth in tuition they established this rule for film students. They said that it didn’t matter if you finished your general education classes earlier than three semesters, you still had to wait. I came into freshman year as a credit sophomore (this means that I had a year’s worth of college credits from high school) which meant that I could graduate early but also that if I wanted to go through the hell of a freshman year of only general education classes, I would have a completely open and empty semester to do with what I pleased. They discussed options for kids like me. Some took on a minor and finished the majority of it that extra semester. Others took fun classes in other subjects they were interested in or started their upper division courses necessary for graduation. Then they said you could also go abroad for this semester. I had never even thought of the idea of going abroad. I had friends who did it in high school (even one who went to Prague for a year) but I never thought it would be something that was important to me. I had been to Europe twice for about ten days each but never felt it necessary to go for much longer. They outlined the different locations students could consider going, but they said most film students ended up going to Prague because it had the only comparable (and first) film school to USC in Europe. The more I thought about this option the more I realized it made a lot of sense to do it. I had the credits and as long as I could struggle through and pass all my (god-awful) gen-ed classes, then I had that empty semester to enjoy. I liked the idea of a minor but couldn’t decide which one to do, and if I was also going to graduate early I probably didn’t have time to finish it. And I didn’t want to waste a semester dinking around at USC taking classes I wasn’t really interested in when I could be abroad for a semester.
The application date came around in February and of course I waited until the very last week to submit it, putting all sorts of stress on myself and the teachers I wanted recommendations from. Then, when I got into the program, I realized I actually had to follow through with it in order to go. This meant passing all my classes, submitting all the forms on time, getting a visa, an (god grant me strength) expedited passport renewal, and staying out of trouble with the law so they would let me go. After a few hiccups in all these areas (I like to make things as difficult on myself as possible, I think it builds character or something) I realized three days before I was leaving that it was actually happening. I think a part of me didn’t think I deserved to go and wanted to throw as many obstacles in my way as possible. But luckily when you’re your own worst enemy, you always win!
It had been such a rollercoaster ride since February about whether I was actually going or not that I hadn’t allowed myself to actually be excited about the trip until I was on the ground in the Czech. As the plane made its final U-turn around the Prague airport and its final descent onto the tarmac I couldn’t help myself from darting my eyes back and forth from the window overlooking the Czech countryside and my Frommer’s book discussing the best pubs and restaurants around my hotel. The plane landed and taxied up to the terminal. There, I looked out the window and saw the silhouette of the word PRAHA spelled out enormous on the top of the building.
At that moment, I erupted in a fit of hysterical laughter.
In my mind I was screaming like a 14 year old Twilighter who just got a (possibly illegal) kiss on the mouth from Robert Pattinson, but I felt this was a less appropriate response on an international flight full of people. Instead I thought back to all the hurdles I had to jump over and hoops I had to jump through (I’m imagining a new Olympic sport) over the past seven months. I thought of all the ways this could have gone, and how only this one ended up with me here. I thought of all the different ways I had tried to stand in my own way, only to be pushed aside by myself (ok, those are confusing, I’ll stop). In my moment of triumph I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of life and growing up and the power we all have as individuals to accomplish even the most seemingly impossible tasks. I laughed out of disbelief and wonder at the path I had left behind me and the unknowable wilderness that now lay ahead. At that moment I was the happiest I had been in more than a year.
I couldn’t stop smiling all the way through the airport. Looking at the new (and impossible) language all around. The fake fast food (yes they have it here too) and pubs serving the national beer, Pilsner Urquell. I smiled through customs and waiting for my bag at baggage claim. I smiled on my taxi ride to the hotel and riding the elevator up to my room. After 19 hours of traveling I was finally here. I only stopped smiling because it seemed unhealthy to continue (but I was still doing it on the inside).
I packed up some cash and my camera, walked out of the hotel, turned left, and started walking. I didn’t know where I was going exactly, but I felt this strong pull to the south, so that’s where I went. There is an enormous park there called Vysehrad (don’t ask me how to say it) which had the most beautiful panoramic view of the city. I found a labyrinth next to a small church and walked it silently, contemplating my current situation and future. After that, it began to rain. It had been a beautiful sunny day for the entirety of my stay but suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a torrential downpour. Being from the Northwest I was ok in my shorts and t-shirt for a while, but it began to get a little cold after a bit and so, ironically singing “Singin’ in the Rain” to myself, I walked back to my hotel to rest.
I had actually arrived a day early for the beginning of my program so I had all day to do whatever I wanted. I had been in contact with two girls who were also arriving early and we had decided to meet up around five to have dinner and get to know each other. I found my alarm clock in my suitcase, plugged it in, set an alarm for four o’clock and took a nap.
The hotels in Europe are very interested in saving as much electricity as possible to reduce costs. For this they require that you put your room key in a slot on the wall to activate power to the room. What I didn’t know, is that if the lights have not been flipped in any part of the room for a while, they shut off the power. You can see where this is going. I awoke to find my alarm clock completely black. Before I found my ipod to check the time I knew what it would say. It was 7:30 and I was very late.
I believe my main problem last year, and the reason why I was fairly disappointed with my experience, was that I had all these expectations for what my college experience was supposed to be and if those expectations weren’t met, I wasn’t going to be happy. What I’ve realized since is that you can have anything you want in this life, as long as you’re complete without it. That is, in order for the universe to give you what you want, you have to want it, but not need it. I NEEDED things to be a certain way at school, and as a result, they weren’t that way. If I had instead come with a perspective of gratitude for what I already had and certain DESIRES rather than NEEDS I think it would have been much more possible to get those things I wanted. That’s sort of why I didn’t get excited about Prague until I was actually here because I was afraid of creating expectations that would not be met. In that moment that I woke up and realized what time it was, I knew I had fallen into the same trap. I was really excited to meet these girls and had all these expectations for what meeting them would be and would mean for the rest of my trip. And, of course, the universe did what it does best and reminded me of the lessons I have still yet to fully internalize.
I took my time getting ready, knowing the girls were long gone by now. I went downstairs to see if they had left me a message but they hadn’t. I thanked the man at the front desk and decided to get something to eat for myself. I couldn’t help but be disappointed at what could have happened that night. I couldn’t let go of meeting those people and what an idiot I had been for not setting a different alarm. I kept holding on to what I could not control. That was, until I heard her voice coming from around the corner.
I watched the woman singing her ballad to the hundreds of tourists and Czechs around me. After her came a man and woman who danced one of the most beautiful ballet routines I have seen in my life. I stopped for a moment and realized where I was and what I was doing. I realized what I had been through and what was coming. In that moment I let go of what didn’t matter and appreciated the brevity and beauty of my time here. Nothing could stop me from enjoying myself if I didn’t let it stop me. I looked around, at the gigantic Prague castle in the distance, at the statue of saint Thomas Aquinas over my head, at the golden city laid out before me in all directions, and once again, began to laugh.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Coca Cola Shoot
Hey everyone. So sorry I haven't updated this is such a long time. The truth is that I have been really busy with school and figuring things out here.
I have a lot of things I could talk about that have happened since my last post. I'll try to cover most of whats happened over the next few entries, but this one is going to focus on a Coca Cola commercial shoot I was on back in December.
I was on a set for two days straight. Two twelve hour shoots in two days, midnight to noon on Saturday and 6am to 6 pm the next day. Crazy stuff. Every year Coke has a commercial shooting competition for aspiring film students. You have to have enrolled in an advanced film course to take part, but beyond that anyone can pitch a commercial idea to the competition board. The ten best ideas are funded and shot and then the winner's commercial is screened nationwide on AMC theatre screens before the movies play. To give you some perspective on my film schools' domination of competitive film making, this was a national competition open to all film students across the country and 7 of the 10 finalists chosen by Coke this year were from USC.
It was an amazing shoot and we got some really great footage. I can't wait to show you the final product when it finishes up. During shooting, I had an experience with one of the duties that was delegated to me. I was the designated parking meter filler. The meter maids started writing tickets at 8am so my job was to wait until about 7:45, go find the cars and fill their meters up with time. I left the theatre with a pocket full of coins and a description of the cars and where they were in the vicinity of the theatre we were shooting in. The theatre was on the intersection of three major streets in West Hollywood: Sunset Blvd, Hollywood Blvd, and Hilhurst Ave. Each of which changed into a different street after crossing through the intersection: Sunset Blvd became Sunset Drive, Hollywood Blvd became Sunset Blvd, and Hilhurst Ave became Virgil Ave. Yeah, I was confused too. I was told the first car was parked two blocks away on Sunset Blvd but the owner of the car, Ari, didn't know which way it was outside the theatre. I saw Sunset Blvd and followed it north, not realizing that it became Hollywood Blvd as I went through the crosswalk. I kept getting confused and turned around by the confusing LA street signs and ended up doubling back to the theatre to follow the same wrong road up two blocks twice. Finally I gave up and tried to get to the other car before it got a ticket. By this time it was 8:10 AM. I followed Sunset Blvd which was Hollywood Blvd down four blocks and reach the other car described to me. It had a ticket. A $25 ticket. I grabbed this and ran back to the theatre to try and get to the other car before it got a ticket. I grabbed Ari from the set and told him we needed to get to his car before it got a ticket. It was then 8:20 and I was freaking out. This was literally the first true responsibility I had been given in the whole of the 8 hours of shooting we did, and I had already cost the set $25. Keep in mind the budget for the entire shoot was $7,500 and it was a student film. Meaning there was no budget outside what Coke gave us. We raced over to Sunset Blvd which was Sunset Drive and find Ari's car. A $50 ticket was on the windshield.
Now I have to give these tickets to our producer Tyler and explain to him why I couldn't find two cars parked within three blocks of the theatre. Originally I began to blame my friend Mallory who had gotten me on the set to begin with and gave me the parking meter job. I started to make excuses about how I didn't know the streets and she should have done it herself because she knew where the cars were. I started getting angry at the California state government for being so broke and needing these parking tickets to keep their deficit afloat. I started to get angry at Ari for explaining the position of his car badly and not feeding the meter himself. Then I began to realize where I was and what industry I was going into. I realized that this set was the most professional set I had worked on since coming to LA and that bigger and higher budget films would only be that much more complex and stressful. I realized that I had fucked up the situation myself by not being more resourceful and proactive about my responsibility. I realized that whatever the circumstances, the failure was on me. I started to get a little scared about what this would mean for my further involvement in the shoot, or in the industry at all. I figured these people would be very upset and probably not want to work with me again. Mallory would lose some credibility for vouching for me and probably not recommend me for further shoots. I thought about what would happen if I was on a major set and I screwed up with this proportion of fines. It would probably be the end of my professional relationship with everyone on that set.
I went to Tyler, our producer, and rather than blaming other people or explaining the excuses I told him straight up that I had screwed up and now we had $75 in parking fines. He was understandably angry and told me that my job for the rest of the shoot was to make sure those cars didn't go over their time. I had filled the meters with and hour and half of time when I finally found them, but within 40 minutes Tyler came up to me and told me it was time to be proactive and go fill them up again. I did and felt like a failure. I felt like I would never make it in this town because I couldn't even be resourceful enough to find two cars on the streets of LA. When I got back to the theatre I sat back down in my seat and Tyler came up to me. He said he wanted to talk to me in the lobby. We walked back through the theatre and I expected him to tell me that I shouldn't come back the next day or that I should take a bus home now or something. Instead he apologized to me. He said that he felt bad for getting upset with me and that everyone makes mistakes. He asked me to forgive him for the way he treated me. I was really surprised by this sensitivity and responded by apologizing myself. I told him that I should have been out there taking care of my responsibility and that I understood his frustration with the situation. We shook hands.
It was a really roundabout day. A lot of strange emotions creeped up on me and made me unsure of myself. But the universe came to me and told me that I was on the right path. That I would make mistakes along the way, but as long as I learned from them, I would be fine. The next day we found out that one of the tickets was for expired plates, not expired parking. The driver had to pay that one.
I have a lot of things I could talk about that have happened since my last post. I'll try to cover most of whats happened over the next few entries, but this one is going to focus on a Coca Cola commercial shoot I was on back in December.
I was on a set for two days straight. Two twelve hour shoots in two days, midnight to noon on Saturday and 6am to 6 pm the next day. Crazy stuff. Every year Coke has a commercial shooting competition for aspiring film students. You have to have enrolled in an advanced film course to take part, but beyond that anyone can pitch a commercial idea to the competition board. The ten best ideas are funded and shot and then the winner's commercial is screened nationwide on AMC theatre screens before the movies play. To give you some perspective on my film schools' domination of competitive film making, this was a national competition open to all film students across the country and 7 of the 10 finalists chosen by Coke this year were from USC.
It was an amazing shoot and we got some really great footage. I can't wait to show you the final product when it finishes up. During shooting, I had an experience with one of the duties that was delegated to me. I was the designated parking meter filler. The meter maids started writing tickets at 8am so my job was to wait until about 7:45, go find the cars and fill their meters up with time. I left the theatre with a pocket full of coins and a description of the cars and where they were in the vicinity of the theatre we were shooting in. The theatre was on the intersection of three major streets in West Hollywood: Sunset Blvd, Hollywood Blvd, and Hilhurst Ave. Each of which changed into a different street after crossing through the intersection: Sunset Blvd became Sunset Drive, Hollywood Blvd became Sunset Blvd, and Hilhurst Ave became Virgil Ave. Yeah, I was confused too. I was told the first car was parked two blocks away on Sunset Blvd but the owner of the car, Ari, didn't know which way it was outside the theatre. I saw Sunset Blvd and followed it north, not realizing that it became Hollywood Blvd as I went through the crosswalk. I kept getting confused and turned around by the confusing LA street signs and ended up doubling back to the theatre to follow the same wrong road up two blocks twice. Finally I gave up and tried to get to the other car before it got a ticket. By this time it was 8:10 AM. I followed Sunset Blvd which was Hollywood Blvd down four blocks and reach the other car described to me. It had a ticket. A $25 ticket. I grabbed this and ran back to the theatre to try and get to the other car before it got a ticket. I grabbed Ari from the set and told him we needed to get to his car before it got a ticket. It was then 8:20 and I was freaking out. This was literally the first true responsibility I had been given in the whole of the 8 hours of shooting we did, and I had already cost the set $25. Keep in mind the budget for the entire shoot was $7,500 and it was a student film. Meaning there was no budget outside what Coke gave us. We raced over to Sunset Blvd which was Sunset Drive and find Ari's car. A $50 ticket was on the windshield.
Now I have to give these tickets to our producer Tyler and explain to him why I couldn't find two cars parked within three blocks of the theatre. Originally I began to blame my friend Mallory who had gotten me on the set to begin with and gave me the parking meter job. I started to make excuses about how I didn't know the streets and she should have done it herself because she knew where the cars were. I started getting angry at the California state government for being so broke and needing these parking tickets to keep their deficit afloat. I started to get angry at Ari for explaining the position of his car badly and not feeding the meter himself. Then I began to realize where I was and what industry I was going into. I realized that this set was the most professional set I had worked on since coming to LA and that bigger and higher budget films would only be that much more complex and stressful. I realized that I had fucked up the situation myself by not being more resourceful and proactive about my responsibility. I realized that whatever the circumstances, the failure was on me. I started to get a little scared about what this would mean for my further involvement in the shoot, or in the industry at all. I figured these people would be very upset and probably not want to work with me again. Mallory would lose some credibility for vouching for me and probably not recommend me for further shoots. I thought about what would happen if I was on a major set and I screwed up with this proportion of fines. It would probably be the end of my professional relationship with everyone on that set.
I went to Tyler, our producer, and rather than blaming other people or explaining the excuses I told him straight up that I had screwed up and now we had $75 in parking fines. He was understandably angry and told me that my job for the rest of the shoot was to make sure those cars didn't go over their time. I had filled the meters with and hour and half of time when I finally found them, but within 40 minutes Tyler came up to me and told me it was time to be proactive and go fill them up again. I did and felt like a failure. I felt like I would never make it in this town because I couldn't even be resourceful enough to find two cars on the streets of LA. When I got back to the theatre I sat back down in my seat and Tyler came up to me. He said he wanted to talk to me in the lobby. We walked back through the theatre and I expected him to tell me that I shouldn't come back the next day or that I should take a bus home now or something. Instead he apologized to me. He said that he felt bad for getting upset with me and that everyone makes mistakes. He asked me to forgive him for the way he treated me. I was really surprised by this sensitivity and responded by apologizing myself. I told him that I should have been out there taking care of my responsibility and that I understood his frustration with the situation. We shook hands.
It was a really roundabout day. A lot of strange emotions creeped up on me and made me unsure of myself. But the universe came to me and told me that I was on the right path. That I would make mistakes along the way, but as long as I learned from them, I would be fine. The next day we found out that one of the tickets was for expired plates, not expired parking. The driver had to pay that one.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The New Life
I had a horrible day on Monday. But it was also the best day I have had here.
I spoke to my Mom on the phone for about two hours talking about various things, mostly Ian's recent death and my relationship with Kirsten.
My sister's fiancee Ian died in Afghanistan last week. He was the first person who had ever died in my life who I actually knew personally and met more than once. He lived in my house for over a year. We spent time together. I would consider him my friend. It's strange thinking of his body laying limp, not belonging to him anymore. It's strange to think of him not existing anymore. Anywhere. It's strange to know that I cannot contact him no matter what I do. If there was something i wanted to ask him, I can never know it. If there was something I wanted to do with him, I can never do it. I didn't know what to do when I found out. Should I be crying constantly? Should I be angry? Should I be by myself? I still don't know what I am supposed to do. When I heard the news I literally collapsed. My legs gave out. I don't remember hitting the ground. I just remember my friends rushing over to me and asking what happened. I remember crying for a few minutes. And then being calm for a few hours. Then crying again as it hit me again. This happened a few more times over the course of the week. I called my sister and told her how sorry I was, how I wished I was there. We cried on the phone to each other. It was a beautiful moment. I've never felt closer to her than in that moment. It took my parents saying something about how unique it was to make me realize it, but it was there. This growing up business is dangerous and painful, but worth it.
Then there's Kirsten. I spent a majority of the phone call being angry and crying over what to do about Kirsten. We were together for five years and then a week after we broke up she was with a new guy. I was so angry at first. I blamed her for disrespecting me and our relationship. It made me feel worthless. I felt dispensable. Like I never really mattered to her. I still feel like what she did was in poor taste and fairly disrespectful to me. But it was and is her life now. I have no more say in what she does. I'm still her best friend, which I'm massively grateful for. But I'm still only just a friend. She has moved on and I need to too. And I think I finally have.
Up until Monday life has been a daily struggle. It has been spans of loneliness with bits of goodness and newness mixed in. Today I can say I have moved forward. The hardest part of this process is behind me. There is still struggle ahead, I make no mistake. But the pain I had to move through to truly place my life here has been faced. I have officially begun my new life in Los Angeles. My home is here now. The friends I have here are the friends I have in my life and the friends back home are my old friends. They are still just as important to me as the day I left and as the months before that. But they are my old friends now. From my old life. From my old home. Going to Vancouver for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Summer will be going home. But coming back to SC will be returning to the progress and process of my new life. Going back home will be wonderful and refreshing, but stagnant. I will not be growing or moving forward in Vancouver. I will not be progressing my life forward. Being home will be a break from life. It will be a revitalizing rest. Necessary for rejuvenation, because moving forward in life is hard and uncomfortable. Home will be comfortable but in the end, unfulfilling. After some time at home, I'll be ready to get back in the game and continue to move forward with my new life. Monday was the turning point. And it was hard. But now it is finally behind me.
My new home is here. My new life is now. Wish me luck.
I spoke to my Mom on the phone for about two hours talking about various things, mostly Ian's recent death and my relationship with Kirsten.
My sister's fiancee Ian died in Afghanistan last week. He was the first person who had ever died in my life who I actually knew personally and met more than once. He lived in my house for over a year. We spent time together. I would consider him my friend. It's strange thinking of his body laying limp, not belonging to him anymore. It's strange to think of him not existing anymore. Anywhere. It's strange to know that I cannot contact him no matter what I do. If there was something i wanted to ask him, I can never know it. If there was something I wanted to do with him, I can never do it. I didn't know what to do when I found out. Should I be crying constantly? Should I be angry? Should I be by myself? I still don't know what I am supposed to do. When I heard the news I literally collapsed. My legs gave out. I don't remember hitting the ground. I just remember my friends rushing over to me and asking what happened. I remember crying for a few minutes. And then being calm for a few hours. Then crying again as it hit me again. This happened a few more times over the course of the week. I called my sister and told her how sorry I was, how I wished I was there. We cried on the phone to each other. It was a beautiful moment. I've never felt closer to her than in that moment. It took my parents saying something about how unique it was to make me realize it, but it was there. This growing up business is dangerous and painful, but worth it.
Then there's Kirsten. I spent a majority of the phone call being angry and crying over what to do about Kirsten. We were together for five years and then a week after we broke up she was with a new guy. I was so angry at first. I blamed her for disrespecting me and our relationship. It made me feel worthless. I felt dispensable. Like I never really mattered to her. I still feel like what she did was in poor taste and fairly disrespectful to me. But it was and is her life now. I have no more say in what she does. I'm still her best friend, which I'm massively grateful for. But I'm still only just a friend. She has moved on and I need to too. And I think I finally have.
Up until Monday life has been a daily struggle. It has been spans of loneliness with bits of goodness and newness mixed in. Today I can say I have moved forward. The hardest part of this process is behind me. There is still struggle ahead, I make no mistake. But the pain I had to move through to truly place my life here has been faced. I have officially begun my new life in Los Angeles. My home is here now. The friends I have here are the friends I have in my life and the friends back home are my old friends. They are still just as important to me as the day I left and as the months before that. But they are my old friends now. From my old life. From my old home. Going to Vancouver for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Summer will be going home. But coming back to SC will be returning to the progress and process of my new life. Going back home will be wonderful and refreshing, but stagnant. I will not be growing or moving forward in Vancouver. I will not be progressing my life forward. Being home will be a break from life. It will be a revitalizing rest. Necessary for rejuvenation, because moving forward in life is hard and uncomfortable. Home will be comfortable but in the end, unfulfilling. After some time at home, I'll be ready to get back in the game and continue to move forward with my new life. Monday was the turning point. And it was hard. But now it is finally behind me.
My new home is here. My new life is now. Wish me luck.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Social Hierarchy
Last night I was thinking, as I was trying to interact with a group that I was with, about the fact that there are certain people that everyone wants to be around. There are two guys are my floor, and everyone loves them. Everyone wants to hang with them and be around them. The guys flirt with them to be friends with them in the same way the girls flirt to hook up with them. My RA is example. My friend Katrina is another. These are people who will always be more popular than I am. These are people who will always have people flocking to them to be their friend, their lover, their girlfriend or boyfriend. These are the top of the hierarchy. I've realized I've become one of the people who grovel and beg to be these person's friends. I found myself, last night, screaming to try and get the attention of these people. I literally had to yell their names to get them to look away from each other and over to me. I'm on a lower level in the social hierarchy and so, must beg to get their attention. This is at the same time that people lower on the food chain than me are begging for my attention. I've become a go-between for those people who are completely socially inept and have no strategies that work for them anymore. And its been like this since the beginning of school, I just hadn't noticed. I thought I was one of the higher-ups back home, but what I've come to realize is that I did all the same things back home that I do here. I brag to get attention. I tell fish stories to try and beef up anything I'm saying. I find little niches of information that I can plug into any conversation to pretend like I'm contributing. I will change my opinion of something to conform with a group. And I argue, which sometimes backfires. All of these are highly primitive social actions. They are the first kinds of social interaction we learn that give us positive responses. When we're eight years old we get attention using these techniques. We use them until we realize they aren't working anymore. And then some of us transcend them and develop the strategies and understanding of these top of the food chain people. These people get it. They understand social interaction on an intuitive level that I have yet to reach. I am constantly vying for their attention while they are constantly given it freely by those around them. Thats why I haven't been successful with finding a strong group of friends here. And thats why I have very few friendships with girls that could at some point develop into real relationships. I'm still stuck in my old socially inept ways.
I got through high school because Kirsten was one of these higher ups. People immediately love her and want to hang with her. Thats why she has done so well in her new environment, and why she will always do well socially for her whole life. We were constantly associated with each other so many of my friends were friends by proxy through her. Here, I come with no context. No associations. And no structure through which to weave my social web. I am weaponless against this enemy of loneliness.
Don't get me wrong. I have friends here. But I don't have one specific group that I can call my own. Or even one or two really strong friends. Which I know is probably too much to expect for being here for such a short time, but I at least want what I see most people around me having. I've realized, through my time here, that social interaction is what we all live for. That nothing is good or bad or really anything without it. Without people in your life, life is meaningless. So I'm done writing this, and I'm going to go out and give some meaning to my life. And maybe learn some things along the way. Wish me luck. Thank you for reading.
Cassidy
I got through high school because Kirsten was one of these higher ups. People immediately love her and want to hang with her. Thats why she has done so well in her new environment, and why she will always do well socially for her whole life. We were constantly associated with each other so many of my friends were friends by proxy through her. Here, I come with no context. No associations. And no structure through which to weave my social web. I am weaponless against this enemy of loneliness.
Don't get me wrong. I have friends here. But I don't have one specific group that I can call my own. Or even one or two really strong friends. Which I know is probably too much to expect for being here for such a short time, but I at least want what I see most people around me having. I've realized, through my time here, that social interaction is what we all live for. That nothing is good or bad or really anything without it. Without people in your life, life is meaningless. So I'm done writing this, and I'm going to go out and give some meaning to my life. And maybe learn some things along the way. Wish me luck. Thank you for reading.
Cassidy
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A film, A midterm, and a realization
Hey everyone! If you're interested, some friends and I produced this last week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxDTm62Cmb8
It's for a freshman film festival SCA is putting on for the first time this year called the Alfie's. Its supposed to be a two minute film about the first six weeks at USC. You might recognize the story if you've been reading the blog. Enjoy!
I can't take much credit for the film because honestly I wasn't there for most of production. I have yet to determine whose fault that was. Pretty much what happened was I was involved for the original brainstorm and then the follow up meeting. And beyond that point storyboarding was handled without my knowledge and shooting was scheduled without me. I ended up having class both shoot dates and they couldn't reschedule because that was the only time talent was available. I don't think this was on purpose or malicious in any way, but I couldn't help but feel a little pushed out by the other members. Anyway, I provided most of the original framework for the story and some finalizing with music and editing. Beyond that though, I had very little creative input in the process. I do hope you enjoy it though.
I just had my mid-term in Casper's Cinema course. Surprisingly it was not nearly as hard as I expected. I finished a few minutes early and felt I had answered most questions very thoroughly. We were given two hours to answer six of seven questions offered on the test, all essay format. I just hope my TA can read my scribble.
Something I realized in the run-up to this midterm, really the only one I cared about this semester, is my inability to really buckle down and study. Most of my friends are from production and so were taking this midterm as well. They started studying last week and really hadn't stopped until today at two when the test started. This inspired me to try to study as well and I realized I really can't. Being a fast learner like I am, I never read any text during high school. I also never studied for any tests (except maybe in Spanish which I was horrible at). What I did do was go to class every day and listen. I never took notes, but I paid attention. And that was usually enough to get me an A on the test. Or at least to get me by. The problem is that now, when I actually need to study and take notes and read the text, I don't have the good habits I'm finding most people around me have. I think my intelligence has been a major strength of mine growing up. However the problem with being smart is that you never have to work hard for what you achieve. So when it does comes time to work hard the people around you, who have been shitting themselves daily to attain what you did naturally, have the work ethic and the habits that allow them to succeed. This while you can only work for ten minutes without needing a break and fall asleep every time you try to read a textbook. I'm wondering how much longer my intelligence will serve me before it starts to hurt me. I think I did pretty well on this midterm, but who knows? What about the final? What about other classes where answers are in the reading that I haven't done? We'll see if my fast learning was an enabler or a detriment to me in the coming months.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxDTm62Cmb8
It's for a freshman film festival SCA is putting on for the first time this year called the Alfie's. Its supposed to be a two minute film about the first six weeks at USC. You might recognize the story if you've been reading the blog. Enjoy!
I can't take much credit for the film because honestly I wasn't there for most of production. I have yet to determine whose fault that was. Pretty much what happened was I was involved for the original brainstorm and then the follow up meeting. And beyond that point storyboarding was handled without my knowledge and shooting was scheduled without me. I ended up having class both shoot dates and they couldn't reschedule because that was the only time talent was available. I don't think this was on purpose or malicious in any way, but I couldn't help but feel a little pushed out by the other members. Anyway, I provided most of the original framework for the story and some finalizing with music and editing. Beyond that though, I had very little creative input in the process. I do hope you enjoy it though.
I just had my mid-term in Casper's Cinema course. Surprisingly it was not nearly as hard as I expected. I finished a few minutes early and felt I had answered most questions very thoroughly. We were given two hours to answer six of seven questions offered on the test, all essay format. I just hope my TA can read my scribble.
Something I realized in the run-up to this midterm, really the only one I cared about this semester, is my inability to really buckle down and study. Most of my friends are from production and so were taking this midterm as well. They started studying last week and really hadn't stopped until today at two when the test started. This inspired me to try to study as well and I realized I really can't. Being a fast learner like I am, I never read any text during high school. I also never studied for any tests (except maybe in Spanish which I was horrible at). What I did do was go to class every day and listen. I never took notes, but I paid attention. And that was usually enough to get me an A on the test. Or at least to get me by. The problem is that now, when I actually need to study and take notes and read the text, I don't have the good habits I'm finding most people around me have. I think my intelligence has been a major strength of mine growing up. However the problem with being smart is that you never have to work hard for what you achieve. So when it does comes time to work hard the people around you, who have been shitting themselves daily to attain what you did naturally, have the work ethic and the habits that allow them to succeed. This while you can only work for ten minutes without needing a break and fall asleep every time you try to read a textbook. I'm wondering how much longer my intelligence will serve me before it starts to hurt me. I think I did pretty well on this midterm, but who knows? What about the final? What about other classes where answers are in the reading that I haven't done? We'll see if my fast learning was an enabler or a detriment to me in the coming months.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
19 Years, 4 Buses and 1 Bright Blue Cupcake
I've started to hear that my friends here are starting to read the blog. So don't be surprised if there are less opinions and more statements of fact on here... ;)
So my birthday went like this...
After class I called up Katrina and we went to Chipotle. She bought me lunch (thank you Katrina!) and then I headed back to the dorm to figure out the whole bus thing.
I was taking two buses to Occidental to see Kirsten. We had planned to meet up for my birthday since before I left but (even on my birthday) she refused to come out to SC to see me. I understood. But this meant I needed four single dollars and four quarters to pay for the bus. The bus has zero change ever so unless I was going to pay 1.25 with a 20 I had to figure out a way to get change. I had to run to an ATM (of which there are a grand total of TWO on campus...wtf?) which is in the middle of campus (I'm on a far edge) and then back to one of the coffee bars on campus to get change. By this time I had missed my bus.
I went to the stop and felt surprisingly comfortable. There were almost exclusively minorities on the bus but I didn't feel unsafe at all. Actually, even being in the worst neighborhood in LA, I haven't once felt unsafe anywhere. Even at night off campus I feel like I'm in a safe place with enough people around. USC does a good job of making it clear that DPS (Department of Public Safety) is constantly patrolling and making sure students are safe. It might be because I've never really been in a position where I was in an unsafe place so I don't recognize the signs of it. I'm hoping not though.
Anyway I got on the bus and I was riding it for what seemed like WAY too long. I saw us leave Figueroa and I knew the stop I was on was Figueroa and 26th. I was thinking we would just be taking a quick detour and would be back on Figueroa pretty soon. Then we went on the freeway.
I wasn't afraid to ask the driver about my stop but it was just a little awkward. I mean, I was dressed pretty nice. White college kid with my iPod earphones in. Obviously I don't really fit in with the crowd I was currently surrounded by. I felt like it was my responsibility, if I was going to not belong as I much as I did, to at least not make any trouble or upset the established order. So instead I consoled myself and thought that maybe I hadn't passed my stop yet. I mean it was possible right? I started to get more and more worried the longer we stayed on the bus. I started to text friends to see if they were nearby a computer and could check whether I was getting closer or farther and farther from my destination.
I realized on the bus that I'm a bit of a chicken and it costs me sometimes. I always got frustrated with people back home who wouldn't speak up for themselves to get what they wanted. I never felt sorry for these people because it was their own fault that they couldn't just get the balls to talk to people and simply ask for help. Being in this new place I've started to realize that I've become a bit like that person. I get scared to inconvenience people and it doesn't serve me because I can't ask for what I want anymore. I think it rubbed off from years of being around Kirsten and her Midwest comportment. I used to be completely willing to inconvenience anyone as long as I got what I wanted. I need to find a balance between these two behaviors.
Anyway, we got off the freeway finally and there is my stop! Yay! I just needed to be patient and fight my gut instinct to get off the bus. When you don't know a situation very well, sometimes trusting your gut is a bad idea.
I made it to the Eagle Rock area and started to walk toward Occidental. I called Kirsten a few times and she wasn't answering. I kept walking and she finally picked up just as I was entering the campus. She asked me where I was and I told her I was on campus and she just about had a conniption. She kept telling me to get off campus and stay where I was and she would meet me. I didn't really understand why she didn't want me there so I decided instead to walk farther and deeper into campus to meet her. I'm like that, what can I say?
The campus is beautiful and very well designed. I was impressed. The buildings were huge and the architecture was really wonderful. I walked by a big parking lot of official vans and vehicles and they had as many as I can think of USC having. It was crazy.
I kept walking and saw this girl ahead of me wearing a backpack. I was pretty sure it was Kirsten but I wasn't a hundred percent. I yelled her name and she turned and it was her. She looked just as beautiful as I remembered but strangely different. She looked skinnier or more done up. Something.
We hugged and she wished me a happy birthday and we were both happy but uneasy about seeing each other. We were together for all of our adult lives and now, for the first time, we are seeing each other as friends. This is literally the first time in our lives we've been together as we are now. Its strange. Every time I saw her any other time I would give her kisses and tell her how beautiful she looked. I would put my arm around her or hold her hand and we would just walk, happy in each other's company. Now, to fill that void, we have to talk when we walk. We can't just walk together. We have to be doing something to distract ourselves from the fact that we aren't together. Not really.
Dinner was nice. She got me an Occidental shirt and a slinky because she broke mine the day I left for USC. We talked about how we were doing, what our new friends were like, what experiences we'd had. She knew I wasn't doing very well. She knew she was doing so much better than I was. She kept it to herself, which was merciful of her. She had a new boyfriend within a week of arriving in LA and a new strong group of friends too. She has a new best friend. I, still now almost three weeks after this, have no group to call my own. I don't really have anyone who calls me up any time they do anything or actively seeks me out to be a part of whatever they're doing. I don't have a best friend either. She doesn't know this. She thinks I'm doing really well now because that's what I'm trying to show her. I don't want to bring her down with my loneliness or make her feel guilty for enjoying herself. But any time I hear about something fun she's doing or has done or friends she has, I want to throw up. Its a jealousy I haven't felt for seven years and its back with a strength I never felt before in my life. I get so angry and depressed about what's going on and then talking to her only makes it worse.
Its strange, not having her to talk to about this. Anytime, for the past five years, that I needed someone to talk to, it was her. She always offered me what I needed and sometimes, if I couldn't take what I needed, what I wanted. She would give me sympathy or identify with my position. But the current predicament makes her off limits for this subject. So instead I have to pretend to be doing amazing and just take it when she says she's doing amazing too. Luckily she doesn't read this.
I tried to talk to her about her new boyfriend. About why she felt that was ok to be with someone else already. We were together for five years and it took her a little over a week to get over me and move on to someone else. At first I was really angry. After I realized that was getting me nowhere I tried to be supportive. Talking to her about it was hard for both of us but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. She couldn't offer me any sort of explanation for her behavior and I stopped trying after a few minutes. I still don't know why she did what she did or if it had anything to do with me at all. She told me that it was easy to fall out of love with me because of the way I had been in the relationship. She just focused on the bad things I did in order to move on and protect herself. I still haven't accepted it yet. I still haven't moved on. But maybe today's the day. And if its not, I know its in my future.
She bought me dinner and then she had to go. I realized I hadn't figured out the bus system for how to get home and asked her if I could go back to her room to look it up on her computer. She immediately had a strong aversion to the idea. She refused to let me come anywhere near her room. She had me call Katrina to get her to look up the bus schedule for me. We parted ways and as soon as she was out of sight I started crying.
I got to the bus stop and was waiting there for over 45 minutes and the bus never came. My phone was dead so I couldn't call anyone. I considered walking back to Oxy and trying to get into Kirsten's building to ask for help but I didn't think she wouldn't like that (but secretly I wanted it to come to that to force her hand). Instead I walked around until I got a free wireless network on my iPod. I put my status as "Help! I'm stuck at Occidental College! Someone comment a bus route back to SC!" Kirsten responded with the info that my bus was going to arrive in two minutes. I sprinted back to the stop and from that point, made it home no problem.
When I was finally back on campus in my room I got a text from a friend on the seventh floor of my building. She said she had something to give me and that I should come up when I had a minute. I went upstairs and she had bought me a birthday cupcake. It had a single candle and a few girls from the floor lit it and sang for me. You can have a guess as to what my wish was.
When I got back to my room I checked my facebook page and had probably 70 comments from people wishing me a happy birthday. It was a really strange birthday. Emotional, hard, scary, fun and eye-opening. I'm doing much better than I was back then but I'm still struggling to create the kind of circle of friends I had back home and creating the right environment for me to be happy all the time. I'm still fighting for my happiness, but I guess, so is everyone else.
I know there are some of you reading this that may not know me very well and now know way too much. I hope this posting wasn't too depressing or emotional for you. Thanks for reading.
Cassidy
So my birthday went like this...
After class I called up Katrina and we went to Chipotle. She bought me lunch (thank you Katrina!) and then I headed back to the dorm to figure out the whole bus thing.
I was taking two buses to Occidental to see Kirsten. We had planned to meet up for my birthday since before I left but (even on my birthday) she refused to come out to SC to see me. I understood. But this meant I needed four single dollars and four quarters to pay for the bus. The bus has zero change ever so unless I was going to pay 1.25 with a 20 I had to figure out a way to get change. I had to run to an ATM (of which there are a grand total of TWO on campus...wtf?) which is in the middle of campus (I'm on a far edge) and then back to one of the coffee bars on campus to get change. By this time I had missed my bus.
I went to the stop and felt surprisingly comfortable. There were almost exclusively minorities on the bus but I didn't feel unsafe at all. Actually, even being in the worst neighborhood in LA, I haven't once felt unsafe anywhere. Even at night off campus I feel like I'm in a safe place with enough people around. USC does a good job of making it clear that DPS (Department of Public Safety) is constantly patrolling and making sure students are safe. It might be because I've never really been in a position where I was in an unsafe place so I don't recognize the signs of it. I'm hoping not though.
Anyway I got on the bus and I was riding it for what seemed like WAY too long. I saw us leave Figueroa and I knew the stop I was on was Figueroa and 26th. I was thinking we would just be taking a quick detour and would be back on Figueroa pretty soon. Then we went on the freeway.
I wasn't afraid to ask the driver about my stop but it was just a little awkward. I mean, I was dressed pretty nice. White college kid with my iPod earphones in. Obviously I don't really fit in with the crowd I was currently surrounded by. I felt like it was my responsibility, if I was going to not belong as I much as I did, to at least not make any trouble or upset the established order. So instead I consoled myself and thought that maybe I hadn't passed my stop yet. I mean it was possible right? I started to get more and more worried the longer we stayed on the bus. I started to text friends to see if they were nearby a computer and could check whether I was getting closer or farther and farther from my destination.
I realized on the bus that I'm a bit of a chicken and it costs me sometimes. I always got frustrated with people back home who wouldn't speak up for themselves to get what they wanted. I never felt sorry for these people because it was their own fault that they couldn't just get the balls to talk to people and simply ask for help. Being in this new place I've started to realize that I've become a bit like that person. I get scared to inconvenience people and it doesn't serve me because I can't ask for what I want anymore. I think it rubbed off from years of being around Kirsten and her Midwest comportment. I used to be completely willing to inconvenience anyone as long as I got what I wanted. I need to find a balance between these two behaviors.
Anyway, we got off the freeway finally and there is my stop! Yay! I just needed to be patient and fight my gut instinct to get off the bus. When you don't know a situation very well, sometimes trusting your gut is a bad idea.
I made it to the Eagle Rock area and started to walk toward Occidental. I called Kirsten a few times and she wasn't answering. I kept walking and she finally picked up just as I was entering the campus. She asked me where I was and I told her I was on campus and she just about had a conniption. She kept telling me to get off campus and stay where I was and she would meet me. I didn't really understand why she didn't want me there so I decided instead to walk farther and deeper into campus to meet her. I'm like that, what can I say?
The campus is beautiful and very well designed. I was impressed. The buildings were huge and the architecture was really wonderful. I walked by a big parking lot of official vans and vehicles and they had as many as I can think of USC having. It was crazy.
I kept walking and saw this girl ahead of me wearing a backpack. I was pretty sure it was Kirsten but I wasn't a hundred percent. I yelled her name and she turned and it was her. She looked just as beautiful as I remembered but strangely different. She looked skinnier or more done up. Something.
We hugged and she wished me a happy birthday and we were both happy but uneasy about seeing each other. We were together for all of our adult lives and now, for the first time, we are seeing each other as friends. This is literally the first time in our lives we've been together as we are now. Its strange. Every time I saw her any other time I would give her kisses and tell her how beautiful she looked. I would put my arm around her or hold her hand and we would just walk, happy in each other's company. Now, to fill that void, we have to talk when we walk. We can't just walk together. We have to be doing something to distract ourselves from the fact that we aren't together. Not really.
Dinner was nice. She got me an Occidental shirt and a slinky because she broke mine the day I left for USC. We talked about how we were doing, what our new friends were like, what experiences we'd had. She knew I wasn't doing very well. She knew she was doing so much better than I was. She kept it to herself, which was merciful of her. She had a new boyfriend within a week of arriving in LA and a new strong group of friends too. She has a new best friend. I, still now almost three weeks after this, have no group to call my own. I don't really have anyone who calls me up any time they do anything or actively seeks me out to be a part of whatever they're doing. I don't have a best friend either. She doesn't know this. She thinks I'm doing really well now because that's what I'm trying to show her. I don't want to bring her down with my loneliness or make her feel guilty for enjoying herself. But any time I hear about something fun she's doing or has done or friends she has, I want to throw up. Its a jealousy I haven't felt for seven years and its back with a strength I never felt before in my life. I get so angry and depressed about what's going on and then talking to her only makes it worse.
Its strange, not having her to talk to about this. Anytime, for the past five years, that I needed someone to talk to, it was her. She always offered me what I needed and sometimes, if I couldn't take what I needed, what I wanted. She would give me sympathy or identify with my position. But the current predicament makes her off limits for this subject. So instead I have to pretend to be doing amazing and just take it when she says she's doing amazing too. Luckily she doesn't read this.
I tried to talk to her about her new boyfriend. About why she felt that was ok to be with someone else already. We were together for five years and it took her a little over a week to get over me and move on to someone else. At first I was really angry. After I realized that was getting me nowhere I tried to be supportive. Talking to her about it was hard for both of us but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. She couldn't offer me any sort of explanation for her behavior and I stopped trying after a few minutes. I still don't know why she did what she did or if it had anything to do with me at all. She told me that it was easy to fall out of love with me because of the way I had been in the relationship. She just focused on the bad things I did in order to move on and protect herself. I still haven't accepted it yet. I still haven't moved on. But maybe today's the day. And if its not, I know its in my future.
She bought me dinner and then she had to go. I realized I hadn't figured out the bus system for how to get home and asked her if I could go back to her room to look it up on her computer. She immediately had a strong aversion to the idea. She refused to let me come anywhere near her room. She had me call Katrina to get her to look up the bus schedule for me. We parted ways and as soon as she was out of sight I started crying.
I got to the bus stop and was waiting there for over 45 minutes and the bus never came. My phone was dead so I couldn't call anyone. I considered walking back to Oxy and trying to get into Kirsten's building to ask for help but I didn't think she wouldn't like that (but secretly I wanted it to come to that to force her hand). Instead I walked around until I got a free wireless network on my iPod. I put my status as "Help! I'm stuck at Occidental College! Someone comment a bus route back to SC!" Kirsten responded with the info that my bus was going to arrive in two minutes. I sprinted back to the stop and from that point, made it home no problem.
When I was finally back on campus in my room I got a text from a friend on the seventh floor of my building. She said she had something to give me and that I should come up when I had a minute. I went upstairs and she had bought me a birthday cupcake. It had a single candle and a few girls from the floor lit it and sang for me. You can have a guess as to what my wish was.
When I got back to my room I checked my facebook page and had probably 70 comments from people wishing me a happy birthday. It was a really strange birthday. Emotional, hard, scary, fun and eye-opening. I'm doing much better than I was back then but I'm still struggling to create the kind of circle of friends I had back home and creating the right environment for me to be happy all the time. I'm still fighting for my happiness, but I guess, so is everyone else.
I know there are some of you reading this that may not know me very well and now know way too much. I hope this posting wasn't too depressing or emotional for you. Thanks for reading.
Cassidy
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Two Days of Mania
So sorry I haven't gotten to you guys in a while, I've been quite busy. I started writing this one two weeks ago so its in present tense. Go with me:
So this weekend was the 48 film festival and it was crazy fun but also just crazy. We started on Friday when they released the seven components from which we had to pick four to be in our film. The seven components were:
1. Music: Come Together by The Beatles
2. Character: The Fool
3. Color: Cardinal (must be in every shot)
4. Genre: Musical
5. Prop: Lightsaber
6. Motif: One character must walk backwards for the entirety of the film
7. Line of Dialogue: "Whoa, I thought it'd be bigger..."
As we set out to brainstorm the project, the component that stuck out to us was the "character walking backward." We tried to think, what character would always be walking backward...and then I remembered how Sarah Friedman, my tour guide at orientation, walked backward throughout the entire tour and even said she worked out on the treadmill to train her muscles to walk backward. This was hilarious at the time, and I thought would translate well to film. I suggested the idea of a ridiculously overzealous tour guide as a main character, and then we went from there.
The concept was: we meet tommy the tour guide when he's very depressed. He's sullen, his room shows it, his walk shows it, his actions show it. Then we cut to a flashback showing why he's depressed. It shows a normal day in the life of Tommy, and the ridiculous things he does to be "the greatest tour guide alive." And then he would be asked a question on his tour that he couldn't answer. This would spiral him into a depression which he is lifted out of in the final sequence.
We hash out a script and we start shooting the next day. Halfway through shooting, I realize that the guy who is running the camera, Spencer, is making a completely different movie than I am. I had a concept of how a major sequence was going to go and as we continue to shoot, I realize that my sequence isn't being shot. This is an interesting conflict because we're using Spencer's camera so by default he is directing. And yet, hearing his concept of the scene, I don't see how his version will work. As a director what I see in my head of a movie is exactly what it is for me. I can't bring myself to see it from any other perspective and, because what I see in my head makes so much sense to me, I can't see it going any other way and making sense. I think I'd like to be more able to amalgamate ideas because I feel so much of filmmaking is collaboration. And yet I'm unsure how to move my brain around in that way.
As we're shooting I call a friend of mine who is a Junior in production and ask if he wants to come and help us out on the film. He meets us in the library where we are shooting a short scene with two actors. One of the actors is a BFA (Bachelor's in Fine Arts) in acting, meaning he is literally only taking acting classes...so he's good. The other is just a friend of ours who was willing to help us out on his weekend. The scene is that Tommy is going around campus spouting off random facts to strangers. Andy (our actor for the character of Tommy) has a long line that is a random fact about the library and at the end the other character asks him "Who are you!?" as in "What do you want, what are you doing here, and get away from me!" Andy is doing great and nailing his line every time, but our non-actor is having some trouble with the emphasis and comedic timing of his line. Then David comes in.
Before I describe what unfolded, let me give you a little background on David. David is a junior in production which means he should have started his production classes this semester. He didn't start his production classes because before you can start your production classes you have to pass all of your General Education classes. This takes most people two years and then they start production courses in the fall of junior year. Or if they're lucky Spring of Sophomore year. One of the GE credits necessary for production is three semesters of a foreign language. David took German all four years of high school but decided to mix it up and take spanish in college to become trilingual. David is in third semester spanish for the second time because he failed it last semester. He also had to take second semester twice to pass. Keep in mind I was one of the worst spanish speakers in my high school class and got a 2 on the spanish AP test, but I'm one of the best speakers in this spanish class here. David is also Army ROTC and rides a motorcycle.
David comes in to the room and almost immediately takes over production. I'll give him credit, he asked permission to do so, but then proceeded to give an acting lesson to our non-actor. He gave him motivation and gave him a back story to come from. This is literally a character we see for all of five seconds. He had a great exercise for the actors in the scene and he showed some genius in his ability to direct them accurately, but I think the entire thing was lost on our poor non-actng friend. I thought David truly understood what we were trying to do with the scene and how the line needed to be said. Then he tried to act the part himself because he got so frustrated with our non-actor's non-existent acting abilities. He said the line wrong and it lost all of its surprise and humor.
The strange thing about it though was seeing David's genius as a director. On an actual production with real actors, I felt like he would have gotten exactly what he wanted from them without offending them. He did well from an executive perspective and ran the room from a position of power. This was strange because David acts like an idiot in Spanish class. We're in the same spanish class and everyone knows him as the kid who says "Como se dice (how do you say)..." and then whatever he wants to say but in English. He loses tons of participation points by not trying to speak in Spanish. And he knows this. But he just doesn't do it. It was such a major contrast between the Spanish Class David and the Director David. He's obviously in the right industry and he's doing what he's good at but I'm a strong believer in the g-factor of intelligence. This is basically the theory that if you're a genius in one thing, you're pretty much a genius (or at least can be a genius) in everything. Intelligence is an all around thing. This means that David is pretending in Spanish class. He really could be good at it and is unconsciously deciding not to be.
I have since worked with David on a few other things and he always attaches a disclaimer when working with anyone. He tells me not to model my directing after certain people because they aren't good at it. Or not to listen to certain people because they don't know what they're talking about. I have yet to decide whether David knows what he's talking about or if he's just pretending to know. Although in this business, that may be the same thing.
We had three editors going on the footage we shot for a good six hours (from about 11 pm saturday night and 5 am sunday morning) and got it all sequenced together. My job was to splice all of our individual sequences together into the final movie. When I did this at 8 am sunday (the film was due in twelve hours) the film was ten minutes long. The length requirement was five minutes. So...at that point...i went to sleep.
We ended up completely changing our chronology in order to squeeze the film into that time slot. The final film is available for viewing here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da75DHfyZ2s
We cut out a lot of good material and will probably make a ten minute director's cut sometime soon. I finally understand why directors do that. Its so hard to cut a film down to a manageable size and you want people to see things that they just can't see if its going to be short enough to be commercial.
We present our films to our other production friends that have also been making movies in their own groups over the weekend. Each group has one of the Keeling brothers.
These twins are the talk of the freshmen in production. They will probably end up being the next Coens. They are from Kansas and over the last summer produced a full length film and premiered it in their town's cinema. They both got into production (even though that is so massively improbable) and were randomly assigned to be each other's roommates (even though thats even more massively improbable). They even called USC when they found out and asked for a reassignment and were declined. They love movies and are absolutely brilliant.
Both of their movies were amazing. They were beautifully shot, acted, written and edited. I felt exactly what I was supposed to feel and they emoted it from me. They were compelling and felt short. They were scary and emotional and powerful. And they did this all in 48 hours. If you'd like to see their films you can check them out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FWLi9j_z1M&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF05PiMQ91w&feature=channel_page
My favorite of the two is Mirror Mirror.
After watching these two films, I felt almost ashamed of mine. I felt like I could have done so much better and was so frustrated that they had such a head start on me. We watched ours last, which was a bad idea from the get go because it had to follow these two masterpieces. Next time, I'm definitely going to work with one of them to learn their secrets and tricks, because they obviously know what they're doing a lot more than I do.
Monday was my birthday, but I'll tell you all the story of that day in my next entry.
So this weekend was the 48 film festival and it was crazy fun but also just crazy. We started on Friday when they released the seven components from which we had to pick four to be in our film. The seven components were:
1. Music: Come Together by The Beatles
2. Character: The Fool
3. Color: Cardinal (must be in every shot)
4. Genre: Musical
5. Prop: Lightsaber
6. Motif: One character must walk backwards for the entirety of the film
7. Line of Dialogue: "Whoa, I thought it'd be bigger..."
As we set out to brainstorm the project, the component that stuck out to us was the "character walking backward." We tried to think, what character would always be walking backward...and then I remembered how Sarah Friedman, my tour guide at orientation, walked backward throughout the entire tour and even said she worked out on the treadmill to train her muscles to walk backward. This was hilarious at the time, and I thought would translate well to film. I suggested the idea of a ridiculously overzealous tour guide as a main character, and then we went from there.
The concept was: we meet tommy the tour guide when he's very depressed. He's sullen, his room shows it, his walk shows it, his actions show it. Then we cut to a flashback showing why he's depressed. It shows a normal day in the life of Tommy, and the ridiculous things he does to be "the greatest tour guide alive." And then he would be asked a question on his tour that he couldn't answer. This would spiral him into a depression which he is lifted out of in the final sequence.
We hash out a script and we start shooting the next day. Halfway through shooting, I realize that the guy who is running the camera, Spencer, is making a completely different movie than I am. I had a concept of how a major sequence was going to go and as we continue to shoot, I realize that my sequence isn't being shot. This is an interesting conflict because we're using Spencer's camera so by default he is directing. And yet, hearing his concept of the scene, I don't see how his version will work. As a director what I see in my head of a movie is exactly what it is for me. I can't bring myself to see it from any other perspective and, because what I see in my head makes so much sense to me, I can't see it going any other way and making sense. I think I'd like to be more able to amalgamate ideas because I feel so much of filmmaking is collaboration. And yet I'm unsure how to move my brain around in that way.
As we're shooting I call a friend of mine who is a Junior in production and ask if he wants to come and help us out on the film. He meets us in the library where we are shooting a short scene with two actors. One of the actors is a BFA (Bachelor's in Fine Arts) in acting, meaning he is literally only taking acting classes...so he's good. The other is just a friend of ours who was willing to help us out on his weekend. The scene is that Tommy is going around campus spouting off random facts to strangers. Andy (our actor for the character of Tommy) has a long line that is a random fact about the library and at the end the other character asks him "Who are you!?" as in "What do you want, what are you doing here, and get away from me!" Andy is doing great and nailing his line every time, but our non-actor is having some trouble with the emphasis and comedic timing of his line. Then David comes in.
Before I describe what unfolded, let me give you a little background on David. David is a junior in production which means he should have started his production classes this semester. He didn't start his production classes because before you can start your production classes you have to pass all of your General Education classes. This takes most people two years and then they start production courses in the fall of junior year. Or if they're lucky Spring of Sophomore year. One of the GE credits necessary for production is three semesters of a foreign language. David took German all four years of high school but decided to mix it up and take spanish in college to become trilingual. David is in third semester spanish for the second time because he failed it last semester. He also had to take second semester twice to pass. Keep in mind I was one of the worst spanish speakers in my high school class and got a 2 on the spanish AP test, but I'm one of the best speakers in this spanish class here. David is also Army ROTC and rides a motorcycle.
David comes in to the room and almost immediately takes over production. I'll give him credit, he asked permission to do so, but then proceeded to give an acting lesson to our non-actor. He gave him motivation and gave him a back story to come from. This is literally a character we see for all of five seconds. He had a great exercise for the actors in the scene and he showed some genius in his ability to direct them accurately, but I think the entire thing was lost on our poor non-actng friend. I thought David truly understood what we were trying to do with the scene and how the line needed to be said. Then he tried to act the part himself because he got so frustrated with our non-actor's non-existent acting abilities. He said the line wrong and it lost all of its surprise and humor.
The strange thing about it though was seeing David's genius as a director. On an actual production with real actors, I felt like he would have gotten exactly what he wanted from them without offending them. He did well from an executive perspective and ran the room from a position of power. This was strange because David acts like an idiot in Spanish class. We're in the same spanish class and everyone knows him as the kid who says "Como se dice (how do you say)..." and then whatever he wants to say but in English. He loses tons of participation points by not trying to speak in Spanish. And he knows this. But he just doesn't do it. It was such a major contrast between the Spanish Class David and the Director David. He's obviously in the right industry and he's doing what he's good at but I'm a strong believer in the g-factor of intelligence. This is basically the theory that if you're a genius in one thing, you're pretty much a genius (or at least can be a genius) in everything. Intelligence is an all around thing. This means that David is pretending in Spanish class. He really could be good at it and is unconsciously deciding not to be.
I have since worked with David on a few other things and he always attaches a disclaimer when working with anyone. He tells me not to model my directing after certain people because they aren't good at it. Or not to listen to certain people because they don't know what they're talking about. I have yet to decide whether David knows what he's talking about or if he's just pretending to know. Although in this business, that may be the same thing.
We had three editors going on the footage we shot for a good six hours (from about 11 pm saturday night and 5 am sunday morning) and got it all sequenced together. My job was to splice all of our individual sequences together into the final movie. When I did this at 8 am sunday (the film was due in twelve hours) the film was ten minutes long. The length requirement was five minutes. So...at that point...i went to sleep.
We ended up completely changing our chronology in order to squeeze the film into that time slot. The final film is available for viewing here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da75DHfyZ2s
We cut out a lot of good material and will probably make a ten minute director's cut sometime soon. I finally understand why directors do that. Its so hard to cut a film down to a manageable size and you want people to see things that they just can't see if its going to be short enough to be commercial.
We present our films to our other production friends that have also been making movies in their own groups over the weekend. Each group has one of the Keeling brothers.
These twins are the talk of the freshmen in production. They will probably end up being the next Coens. They are from Kansas and over the last summer produced a full length film and premiered it in their town's cinema. They both got into production (even though that is so massively improbable) and were randomly assigned to be each other's roommates (even though thats even more massively improbable). They even called USC when they found out and asked for a reassignment and were declined. They love movies and are absolutely brilliant.
Both of their movies were amazing. They were beautifully shot, acted, written and edited. I felt exactly what I was supposed to feel and they emoted it from me. They were compelling and felt short. They were scary and emotional and powerful. And they did this all in 48 hours. If you'd like to see their films you can check them out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FWLi9j_z1M&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF05PiMQ91w&feature=channel_page
My favorite of the two is Mirror Mirror.
After watching these two films, I felt almost ashamed of mine. I felt like I could have done so much better and was so frustrated that they had such a head start on me. We watched ours last, which was a bad idea from the get go because it had to follow these two masterpieces. Next time, I'm definitely going to work with one of them to learn their secrets and tricks, because they obviously know what they're doing a lot more than I do.
Monday was my birthday, but I'll tell you all the story of that day in my next entry.
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